E-Mart

I’d always thought Walmart was a pretty neat place. I mean, it is the one-stop shop right? Better prices, everything you could ever dream of, all available for 24 hours a day? Barring some debates about its negative impact on the world, something about globalization being totally evil, I always really liked Walmart.

Until I found E-Mart.

Turns out E-Mart trumps Walmart in so many ways, I decided it was high time to make a list about it. So here you have it, my fourth official Korea list: Reasons why E-Mart Kicks Walmart’s Ass, hereafter REKWA.

REKWA #1. Location Location Location.

If I walk out the door of my ninth floor apartment right now, I will be standing in E-mart within 3 minutes flat. I have yet to find a Walmart that convenient, anywhere. 

REKWA #2. Dry Cleaner.

In any given Walmart, you can generally expect to find a pharmacy, a photo development center, and an optometrist (bare minimum) in addition to the shopping center itself and the mandatory Subway in the entryway.

Have you ever seen a dry cleaner in a Walmart? No, how about a nail salon? Veterinary clinic? My dear E-mart has all of these things and more. Try this on for size. On the first floor, we have a food court, portrait studio, pet store, veterinarian, optometrist, dog groomer, pharmacy, photo development center, and dry cleaner. On the next floor we have a nail salon, a spa, and a hair salon, as well as a sitting area for the resulting bored children. On the bottom floor, we add in a vitamin/supplement shop and a pretty extensive wine collection. Oh yeah, and there’s the store itself too. Pretty magical, really.

REKWA #3 . Footprint.

If you look at an aerial view of Walmart, you’ll see an expansive building surrounded on all sides by acres and acres of parking lot. Not only did some developer have to cut down forests and kill wildlife in the immediate footprint of Walmart’s unreasonably wide-set main building, but also in the obnoxiously large parking lot surrounding it. And that’s not to mention the impact of increased traffic on the environment surrounding the entire complex. And no, Walmart, those scrawny little trees planted at the ends of the rows don’t make it any better.

Commence angry fist shaking… (and queue this song)

Korea, on the other hand, has become an expert at condensing buildings to fit into the increasingly dense space it has to work with. Instead of building outwards and taking up more land space it doesn’t have, E-mart decided to build up and down, condensing its store into a much more efficient three-floor design. The groceries are located on the bottom floor (two floors below ground, which keeps the foods cooler while exerting less energy), the sports supplies and clothing are located on the middle floor, and the basic home supplies are located on top. Furthermore, the expansive parking lot has been condensed into a multi-floor parking garage located on the four floors above the store, completely eliminating the need for such an absurdly wasteful sprawling lot. Oh yeah, and they threw a park on the roof, making the whole structure just a slightly elevated version of nature.

REKWA #4. Hot Babes.

In Walmart, you have friendly little yellow smiley faces plastered onto prices tags pointing you to where the sales are. In E-mart, you have smiling Korean chicks dressed in ridiculous miniskirts standing at the end of every aisle. If you’re into that kind of thing.

REKWA #5. Boxes and Bags.

I remember one particular trip to Walmart back in my college days in which the woman bagging my recently purchased items placed exactly one item into each bag. I wish I was kidding. Prior to this incident, I had been naïve to the dangers of placing shampoo and ranch dressing in the same plastic bag, lest the outside of their bottles (gasp!) touch each other, but thank goodness she was there to help me…

Commence second angry fist shaking...

In Korea, the bag situation is much less stupid. For one, you have to pay for every bag you need, about 10 cents for paper, and about 70 cents for plastic. It’s not very much money at all, but it makes you stop and question if you really need that extra bag or not. The default bag they give you is paper, and you need to gesture vigorously if you really want a plastic bag. And even then, they won’t call it a plastic bag. It’s a recycling bag.

Even better, you know the thousands and thousands of cardboard boxes they use to ship products to the big name distributors? Instead of smashing them in some back room and leaving them outside in the elements to eventually be taken to a landfill somewhere, they cart them downstairs for customers to take instead of paper or plastic bags. Lots of really, really good ideas Walmart should take note of. 

REKWA #6. Samples.

When is the last time you got a free sample at Walmart? I'm talking a real sample, not a knife demonstration, or whatever else they're waving around shouting about.  

It's hard not to end up with a stomach full of samples at E-mart. Oh, is this mandu? Sure I'll try it? And bulgogi? Why not? Maeil milk? I don't even know what you are, of course I'll try you! 

Mmmm yum! 

So there you have it. E-mart rules, and Walmart drools. And by "drools," I mean is  a horrendously wasteful company that needs to seriously reconsider some of its environmental policies before it can expect to see me as a customer again. And maybe stick with the smiley faces for a while, I don't know if the States are ready for hot greeter babes just yet... sorry!

Cheers!

 - Christine - 

USA v. ROK

Remember me?

I apologize for yet another blogging hiatus, but oh man, I've been busy lately! We're nearing the end of another semester at work, so I've been stuck doing extra paperwork, grading, and classroom management which leaves me just drained at the end of the day. Add to that the TEFL certification class I've been working on, and a recent custody battle I've been thrust into over this one for apparently barking too much and throwing crazy parties (진짜!?!) while I'm away. Which is almost certainly not the case, seeing as I, unlike many of the Korean dog-owners I've met, have trained my dog to do things like sit, stay (and not bark). Let's just say it's been a frustrating week...

But you know what makes frustrating weeks all better? Burger King, and Korea Lists. Assa!

Now when I was in college, I took a class about Intercultural Communication. Without going into too many specifics about any individual cultures, the course as a whole taught us to be aware of the fact that different cultures are, well, different, and that crazy as they may seem to us, they really do work out just fine.

Obviously, Korea and the USA are fundamentally different in a number of ways, and that my friends, is the theme of today's third official Korea List. USA v. ROK.

In the USA, if you go to a baseball game, you will probably expect to find hot dog and peanut vendors walking up and down the aisles of the stadium. In the ROK, you can expect to see them selling dried squid.

In the USA, if you are dashing onto a subway and the doors start to close on you, they will probably stop. In the ROK, they will crush you. K-doors are merciless.

In the USA, women can wear cleavage-showing tops, and no one will care, but if you wear short shorts and heels, people will think you're a slut. In the ROK, short shorts and heels are no big deal, but if you show any more cleavage than Hilary Clinton, watch out. They'll think you're Russian.

In the USA, we try to save energy by turning off unnecessary lights at night. In the ROK, not so much.


In the USA, at least half of young Americans can't find Iraq on a map. In Korea, my students can not only find, but also spell Liechtenstein.

In the USA, coffee shops open early in the morning, so you start caffeinating before the sun comes up. In the ROK, the bars are still open at that time, why in the world would you have a coffee shop open before 10am?

In the USA, Boy Bands stopped being popular in the 90's. In the ROK, they're still going strong.

In the USA, candy and flowers might be appropriate gifts for a favorite teacher. In the ROK, designer socks are acceptable.

In the USA, the -> <- elevator button is really just there to make you feel better, but never actually does anything. In the ROK, the button works every time, and is great for not only barring creepy people from getting into your elevator, but also crushing them. Remember, K-doors are vicious.

In the USA, people make fun of Cleveland almost as much as they make fun of Detroit. In the ROK, people think Cleveland is awesome and wear Cleveland gear proudly. Thank you Choo Shin- Soo. Sorry, Detroit, they still haven't heard of you...

In the USA, you do your makeup and hair in the morning, and then maybe check it once or twice throughout the day. In the ROK, you should carry a mirror and comb around with you at all times, just to make sure you're always looking good. Classrooms and crowded subways are especially good places to do this.

In the USA, we mark the start of a new school period with a bell/annoying buzzer. In the ROK, they play a little song.

To be continued... Have I ever mentioned I still love Korea!

Cheers!
- Christine -

UMMS

After months of waiting, I would like to present you with my second official Korea List: Unfortunately Misspelled and/or Mistranslated Signs, hereafter UMMS.

UMMS are a part of daily life here in the ROK. The number of Koreans speaking English is steadily increasing, many children attending English-only pre-schools and kindergartens (raising questions about how much this next generation of Koreans is really learning about Korea, but that’s a rant for another day). English is chic, and more and more stores are showing their flair (and willingness to accept foreign business) by incorporating English words and phrases onto their signs.

Unfortunately, a good number of these well-intentioned English signs just arent’t quite right and could have benefited tremendously by a quick look-over by a native English speaker. Of which there are over a million in Korea. All of whom would be willing to spell-check such things for maybe the cost of a beer, tops. (If you are Korean, and about to put up a sign in English, please, please let me help you!)

Here are a few of my favorite UMMS from the past seven months, in no particular order:

UMMS #1. Hoers.

I discovered this gem at the Busan International Film Festival back in November. "Hoers" was a valiant effort by the festival's organizers to inform the foreign population in attendance about the schedule, but unless they intended to warn the audience that people would be ho-ing at certain times, (Operating ho-ers) the sign just didn't make sense.



UMMS #2. Origin.

More of a UMMM (Unfortunately Misspelled and/or Mistranslated Menu) than a true UMMS, but still a classic. In this particular pizza restaurant, they allow you to choose your own crust. Terrific, right? Sadly, their list of crust choices somehow got lost in translation, leaving you to select from Gold, Nude, Cookie, Origin, or Cheese Cap. I would venture to guess that Gold is a fairly normal, well-baked dough, cookie would be appropriate for a dessert-pizza, and Cheese Cap is the same as stuffed-crust. Nude, however, has me baffled. And Origin? Oh my. Any native English-speaking person could have added the essential "-al" in all of .25 seconds, helping this poor menu make much more sense almost instantly.



UMMS #3. Yoyr.

This grammatically incorrect UMMS comes from a design shop down the street from my apartment. To begin with, "yoyr" is not a real word. Sorry, Korea. Secondly, even the corrected "Drop your old design to the trash..." doesn't make much sense. The preposition you're looking for was "into" or even just simply "in". E for Effort, though.



UMMS #4. Moning.

I found this gem in the front of little cafe on the opposite side of Seoul. Kudos for catching their own spelling mistake, but their correction still made me giggle.



UMMS #5. Interrior.

Another example from Bucheon. Exactly how many r's does the word "Interrior" have?



UMMS #6. Chiness.

The Chiness restaurant is infamous in Bucheon. Not only did they write "Chiness" (perhaps a combination of Chinese and Chess?) on their sign above the window, but also directly on their window, and even behind the window on some decorative wall installation. They're absolutely rocking the misspelling thing. It's such a blatant and ridiculous misspelling that I would go to the Chiness Restaurant just to say I'd been to the Chiness Restaurant. Brilliant.



UMMS #7. You baked my mother?

This final UMMS comes from a cute little cafe I pass with Kimchi everyday on the way to the park. I understand what they're trying to say. Homemade pies baked with Mom's heart and soul. Sadly, however, this particular translation sounds quite gruesome and a little like they baked my poor mother into a pie :(



In conclusion, Korea, I love you. But please, please let me help you spell and translate things!

Cheers!
- Christine -

UDKP

Blarg. I’ve been sick for going on two weeks now, which has inspired me to write my first (of hopefully many to come) “Korea lists”.

Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Products (hereafter UDKP).

I never thought of myself as much of a badass, but apparently growing up amid the grizzly American spirit in the bitter cold of the rugged Midwest has made me a lot tougher than I ever realized. The following UDKP’s demonstrate how much of a badass I have thus far in Korea proven to be:

UDKP #1. Medicine.

Since I’ve been sick for a while now, it seems natural to start off my list with this particular UDKP. Medicine in Korea is cheap and easy to come by. Last Tuesday, realizing I felt horrible, I decided to go to the clinic around the corner from my apartment and get checked out. The whole visit took 8 minutes, tops. I walked in, they looked at my passport, and sent me into the doctor’s office. The doctor, never leaving her chair, asked me in broken English maybe 5 questions and wrote down just as many medicines for me on a prescription form. I thanked her, and walked back out to the lobby. The bill was ten thousand won. About nine U.S. dollars.

I headed two flights down to the pharmacy. I handed the man behind the counter my prescription slip, and five minutes and seven thousand won later, I walked out with nine individually packaged sets of pills. The convenience is striking. Too bad the meds didn’t really do much. I guess in the world of Korean medicine, you get what you pay for, and you’re not paying much at all. Where are the real antibiotics? Penicillin? Dayquil? Nyquil? Even real Advil? I promise I can handle the real thing, Korea! I don’t care about loopy side effects and the potential for addiction. I just want medicines that make me better!

For this reason, Korean medicines are definitely an Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Product.

UDKP #2. Toothpaste.

Brushing your teeth in the U.S. is not supposed to be a particularly pleasant experience. Take Listerine, for instance. Listerine burns. Swooshing Listerine for the full thirty seconds should instill a sense of accomplishment. The stinging, caustic pepperminty flavor is overpowering, and it’s that overpowering-ness that lets you know the Listerine is doing its job. Many a toothpaste has followed in Listerine’s footsteps, too. (Also altoids…) No pain no gain, right?

I understand toning down overpowering tooth-cleaning products for little children by making them a little sweeter and less intimidating. I’m talking the kind in the Spongebob-shaped bottles, where the toothpaste is blue and has sparkles. Regular toothpaste for adults, however, should not contain sugar. In fact, that seems to me to be one of the worst possible ingredients to put in toothpaste. The whole point of brushing your teeth is to get the sugar off. Nevertheless, Korean toothpaste tastes like straight mint-flavored sugar. I understand it’s less painful, probably less corrosive, whatever, but I have yet to feel like my teeth are fully clean using Korean toothpaste. Furthermore, so many of my kids have dental problems, cavities, and so on, that I can’t help but wonder if it’s because they’re brushing their teeth too much… with sugar… Oh Unnecessarily Delicate Korean toothpaste…

UDKP #3. Face wash.

As a loyal St. Ives Apricot Scrub user since middle school, I expect to feel tiny abrasive apricot bits rubbing against my skin when I wash my face. Sloughing off dead skin should feel exactly as rough as that word sounds. You know your skin is truly clean when it starts to feel numb, right?

Of course there is no such product in Korea. Face washes and skin care products in general are mild and nonabrasive. They leave your skin feeling soft but not raw and (in my book) fully clean as I have come to understand clean for the past eight or so years. And loofahs or any other such body-exfoliating means have proven hard to come by as well. Is it too much to ask for a satisfyingly abrasive cleaning product? Just another Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Product, I suppose.

UDKP #4. Dryers.

I lucked out with my apartment. It’s roomy, modern, has a loft, and is in a great location. Imagine my excitement that in addition, my apartment also had a washing machine with a (gasp!) dryer, I was told, a rarity in this country.

Too bad “dryer” in Korea is code for “spin faster.” You put your clothing in the dryer and they come out stretched out. And still wet. False advertising coming from a device called a “dryer.” Heat is what dries things, or at least I’m assuming that was the rationale behind putting hand driers in every bathroom in the country instead of paper towels...

Dryers. Definitely an Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Product.

UDKP #5. Badminton.

I don’t understand badminton. For goodness sakes, I didn’t even know how to spell the word until recently. In all actuality, it’s one of those “sports” I considered a “game” prior to moving here, lumped in with the likes of darts, pool, and bowling. Yet I can’t even tell you how many of my kids claim that badminton is one of their favorite sports?

Where’s the contact and potential for serious injury? The 300 pound men slamming into each over and over again just to throw a dinky little un-ball shaped ball to one another? Where’s the strategy and sheer endurance it takes to run back and forth on a court for 45 minutes straight? Where’s the speed and energy it takes for a tiny piece of rubber to shatter a pane of glass? Certainly not in a game of badminton. Not so much a product, per se, but certainly unnecessarily delicate and Korean.

UDKP #6. Chocolate.

No surprise here, that chocolate would make my list of Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Products. I take my chocolate very seriously, and thus far, Korean chocolate has not impressed me. For one, I like my chocolate so dark it’s considered a vegetable, yet I have a hard time finding even regular 55% dark chocolate here. They try to make milk chocolate, but their ratios are all off, more milk than chocolate. And even more excessively sugared than the toothpaste. Probably the Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Product that disappoints me the most.

So take that Unnecessarily Delicate Korean Products. I like powerful medicines that work and toothpaste that burns. I like exfoliating products that feel like I’m sanding my face, and dryers that use heat. I like sports that involve injury, and real dark chocolate. If that makes me a total American badass, then so be it.

To be fair, Korea has its share of admittedly non-delicate products as well. Food, for one (Especially Kimchi which is non-delicate for a variety of reasons). Nevertheless, there are lots of watered-down, wussy, and well, delicate products here that drive me crazy! And by drive me crazy I mean I think they’re hilarious.

Finishee!

-Christine -