Affair

Please help me. My students are going crazy.

I don't know exactly what brought about this current plague of crazyness, but I have my suspicions. I've been teaching at my school for almost eleven months now, and have taught nearly all the students in my building at one point or another. I.e. They have all come to realize that I too am just a little bit quote unquote crazy. Furthermore, we're going through a phase of personnel circulation right now, which means that Derek teacher has been transferred to my building, (although his contract ends next month), and Dave and Danyell teachers just ended theirs and are happily vacationing somewhere in the Philippines. In fact, all of the foreign teachers in my building are in the last leg of our Korean tenures, so our classes in general are running a less strict course than they ordinarily would. And apparently all these things come together to bring out the crazy.

My kids say all sorts of crazy things anyways, but one of their favorite go-to crazy things is accusing teachers of dating one another. In the past seven days alone, I have been accused of dating, marrying, and/or refusing to marry no less than four different coworkers. It's awesome.

Some of these accusations are really pretty jejune, actually. Last week, some students witnessed my coworker Jason and I walking back to our building together and began bantering, "Ohhhh, Teachers marry?" "Yup, this weekend," we sighed. "OOOOHHHhhhhhHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!"

See, predictable and unimaginative. Creativity fail.

Others are only slightly more creative, but much, much funnier. A while ago, Jason teacher covered one of my classes, an inquisitive group of lovelies who began quizzing him, "Is Christine teacher dating Derek teacher?" He answered them by not answering, which to my children of course meant yes. A few minutes later I was clued in to our love affair by the group of hysterical giggling children swarming me in the teacher's office pointing at Derek teacher, who was hiding behind me giving them a big thumbs up. They've never really let me live it down since... which makes it even better.

Ok, Jason teacher and Derek teacher, check. My most hilarious and creative dating accusations as of late, however, have been with Dave teacher, my Canadian coworker who just left to go back to Canada. With his real-life girlfriend.

The following is an essay I received from one student on the topic of "Describe a famous person:"

Abridged version:

"Christine, with her blond hair, looks very pretty. Her smile and beautiful green eyes seem ageless."

(*Note, our model essay for the chapter was on Jane Goodall. If you take out the word "Christine" and add in the words "Jane Goodall", this introductory paragraph makes a little bit more sense...)

"She is known for kicking Dave teacher. One month ago, Dave teacher and Christine teacher were dating together. Dave teacher loved Christine teacher so he proposed. He said to Christine teacher "I love you please marry me." But Christine kicked him. So he cried very much and he went back to his hometown. So every student knows other teachers can't propose to Christine teacher. But only Steve teacher proposed to Christine teacher so they are married."

"So, Dave teacher and Christine teacher can't marry, so Dave teacher is crying. And Christine teacher has a husband, Steve teacher."

Brilliant essay! Not only did it explain why Dave teacher had to go back to Canada, but also included a relationship with my fourth coworker/lover, Steve teacher. High five.

But hold on, if you though Dave teacher and I were finished after the pitiless "kicking" incident, think again.

I had the kids design their ideal birthday cakes today, and THIS is what I received from one student. Yup, it's Dave and my wedding cake, complete with flowers, frosting, and little miniature Dave and Christine statues. The essay accompanying this drawing was also phenomenal, including such phrases as "The cake tastes so sweet, like Dave's love for Christine," and "The cake is very big, like Dave and Christine's love for each other." I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried! Looks like someone has a future working with Hallmark!

So what conclusions can we draw from all this? For one, my kids are very, very crazy. But also very, very funny. Secondly, if I can have an affair with not one or two, but FOUR different coworkers in one week, I'm a) talented, and b) have no excuse for being single.

Gah!
- Christine -